“I see you.”
Some of the most influential words that I have heard in my life, as said by my grandmother to an over-excited dog that had leapt on to her lap. She wasn’t talking to me, nor can I imagine that the animated terrier fully understood the level of affection and care that she was offering. I watched her sit there, not necessarily a dog person but stroking and sweet talking the scruffy creature, ensuring that if felt important, loved and cared for. If my grandmother can do this in order for that dog to feel comfortable, why is it so hard for us to do this towards each other?
It’s common knowledge that often people walk around most days inquiring after people’s wellbeing, but not necessarily stopping to listen to the answer. We hear it in the “How are you?” But it seems that as soon as those words have escaped our mouth, that the social obligation is over. We don’t even wait to hear the response – which in most cases often is: “fine”. But in reality, asking after someone, only not to care for their response, is a waste of breath for both parties involved. I believe there is an amount of social responsibility that each of us has, and the simplest way to demonstrate this would be to genuinely ask about someone’s state of being and wait to hear how their response if they wish to share. However, if this can’t be done with genuine sincerity why should it be done at all?
Despite the social norms that have been placed upon us that state that it is necessary to ask this, today I plead you only to ask when you are in a place to engage with and care about the other person. Not only do I feel like we have a social responsibility to care about the state of being of others, but even more so to be able to see and recognise another person. Now bear with me as this does sound mundane and quite unordinary but really, it’s one of the ways that one can notice other people and share a fraction of a second with them.
The most influential words in my life as written in the first line of this article manifested in a physical form, and this takes place in Underberg – a small farming community in South Africa where I was visiting my family. Going on a shopping trip with my aunt, I was wandering around the supermarket with a basket in my hand, expecting little, until an older black man focused his gaze in my direction. His smile was missing teeth, but I could tell from the look in his eyes that he had seen a long and difficult life as a black man would in rural South Africa, being old enough to witness the struggle from Apartheid. His dark skin was contrasted with a loud yellow shirt but the words from his mouth came in a whisper in a different language.
I couldn’t understand what he was saying. The words must have been in Zulu or Setswana, or one of the many languages spoken in South Africa – that at that moment I felt so guilty for not knowing. I could dissect this pain and guilt in another article, but simultaneously I was in awe with the recognition that his eyes held. He was able to look at me, recognise my place in the world, and assume that there was a connection between us. That connection may not have been language, but I believe there was something that bonded us, and it was just a matter of time before we could discover it.
This man didn’t ask me how I was, and it’s okay that he didn’t. He did more. He saw me and made me feel at home in a space that was foreign. Just by recognising that I exist, that we share a tie, even if we will never discover what it is. Which is what since then I’ve tried to do, find the connection between people that you meet and recognise them and it. Not only to strengthen already existing relationships but to reach out a hand of kindness to strangers and see all the good that can happen.
Ask people how they are, when you will care and listen to the answer they give you. But in order to do more and strengthen your bonds with the people around you, recognise them in their spaces, as my grandmother did for the dog, and the man in the super-market did for me.
